These have been some pretty difficult weeks. I placed my Mom into the Alzheimer's Unit which is locked for safety. It is a very sad unit, yet my Mom is so happy there. She is comfortable, happy and tells me that she is not depressed and that she is "fine". Her comment to How are you? at any time. I have to love her. Her aides adore her and take care of her with such a special touch and way about them. They truly love her and tells me that she is no bother at all. Mom seems "fine" at the level that she lives and functions. I have to be glad for that and I am at peace that I made the right decision in facing reality and knowing that she now belongs in this unit for her own safety. I know the Lord loves her much more than I could love her and I sensed his presence and peace on the day she was moved into the unit. Unfortunately, I wanted to go through that process with her but I had a fever, chills and body aches that day and I know I couldn't go into the facility like that. Good thing, because I was sick for 3 weeks with such a bad cold. Mom survived without me. Now think of that!!!! I am glad that the holidays are over because the depression was tormenting and I was miserable and at times made my husband miserable. I am feeling a little better now but I also increased my Cymbalta. I can't even begin to explain to anyone the deep level of depression, the hopeless and despair that comes with it, and the torment as a Christian with doubts of my salvation, repeated confessions of the same sins, the questioning of God's Holy Word, etc. It is a painful, agonizing lifestyle. Yet, the Lord has me by His grip or I would not be here or even entering a church and worshipping Him at all if I didn't belong to Him. I am not where I use to be many years ago but I am not where I want to be or feel that I should be. The Lord led a sister open up and share some similar experiences and struggles. I feel there was even a stronger bond than just Christians in Christ, but also Christians in Crisis. Thank you Lord. Well it is almost 8 pm and I have to dry clothes yet and my DH has already gone to bed. 4:45 am comes up pretty fast for him and he had a day of shoveling snow once again. I am thankful that it was only about 5 or 6" and not the Christimas blizzard of 28". We are getting too old for this. Is winter over yet? Well, time to dry those clothes and relax with my adopted beagle (Belle) who is patiently waiting for her real Mommy to get better so she can go back home. However, Mommy isn't too sure she will be able to take care of Belle when she gets back home. Belle has been our houseguest since Thanksgiving and she is getting pretty comfy here and demanding. She is 6 and spoiled. It is difficul to try to get her to unlearn some things. Say goodnight Gail!!!