This has been a very mixed emotions day. It started out with a SS class that addressed our fears and how the Israelites had to first put their feet into the water before the sea parted. So, we must in order to move forward in God's plan, we must step out and allow Him to do His work in our lives, in our calling, with our gift or gifts. Now, for us who battle mental illness, this is not an easy thing to even hear because everything inside of us is shouting BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, I TRY THAT, THE VOICES INSIDE ARE LOUDER THAN GOD'S WORD MUCH OF THE TIME, THE FEARS ARE SO PARALYZING THAT TO GET OUT OF BED IS ACTUALLY A VICTORY, I BATTLE DOUBTS AND FEARS FOR YEARS ON END EVEN THOUGH I TRY TO SERVE THE LORD, I FEEL SHELVED MOST OF THE TIME BECAUSE IT SEEMS I AM JUST TREADING WATER UNTIL JESUS COMES. NOT JUST SOMETIMES, BUT CONTINUOUSLY I MUST BATTLE DOUBTS THAT SUFFOCATE ME AND DAMPEN MY SPIRIT TO EVEN WITNESS. During the worship service after SS, I thought of the song, "No one understands like Jesus". (which I hadn't heard nor even thought of for years). This was written by an itinerant evangelist and songwriter, who had come to a place of contemplating suicide. Yes, Christians do get that low, Christians do battle clinical depression, Christians do have eating disorders, Christians do suffer from bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and major depression, etc. So, in my heart I fixed myself on that song. Coming home in the car I shared this with Vince and said "No one understands, no one understands, not even the professionals who learn about it, study it and treat it. Only Jesus truly understands the mental and emotional battle within my mind, as well as the Christian battle within which all Christians struggle. Such a blessed cantata this morning and the Signs of Worship so moving, yet it never quieted my soul. "How long Father, how long?" CHECK OUT A VERY SPECIAL SONG AT THE BOTTOM. I WILL BE LEARNING TO SIGN WITHIN THE NEXT FIVE WEEKS - SIGNS OF WORSHIP. IT IS MY PRAYER THAT IT WILL COMFORT YOU AS WELL AS ME.